I woke up this morning and took a breath deeper than any breath I had taken in a very long time.
I, like many people I know right now, am going through storms. Experiencing the kind of rain that you don’t want to get out in… the kind that makes you want to sleep because it’s the perfect weather to do so. I agree. It’s easy to sleep through your storm, to ignore it, hoping that when you wake up it will be over and your world will be better because of it, but I want to challenge you get out in rain and let that water soak your roots and help you grow. Will it be uncomfortable? Maybe. But the truth is that water is a necessity of life and we NEED it to grow.
I’m a big fan of fresh starts, and to me the start of a new month feels a lot like the fresh start I’ve been looking for. There were some changes I needed to make, and I had to FORCE myself to make them. I changed my phone number yesterday, and got a LOT of mixed responses. My mama thought that I had a stalker, some people were supportive and a lot of people just asked me why. Part of me wanted to tell them all like Drake said “The hardest part about the f*ckin’ business is minding your own.” Then I realized that the moment I announced I got a new number I made it their business. So I decided to share:
I’ll be 23 in less than two weeks. I, again like many people I know right now, am full of potential. All I ever hear is how inserts positive compliment here I am. It had gotten to the point where I believe that people believed in me more than I believed in myself. I was too dependent on the hope and expectations of other people to pull me through a time in my life where I didn’t have hope, nor did I expect much of myself. Time after time I disappointed myself, but to the world I was doing just fine.
It was the consistent late night drunk texts to that guy I should have left alone a thousand times over. It was that once in a blue moon text from that guy who is trying to give my space in hopes that it would create a path that led me to him. It was the text from that ‘friend’ that only contacts me because I am a master at handing out the perfect advice that I can’t take for myself. It was that friend that only contacts you to promote a party or themselves without so much as a ‘hey, how are you”. It was the idea that the more people I was connected to with my personal number the more popular or desired I was. Getting a call from a restricted number that woke me up out of my sleep for the 4th night in the row was the icing on the cake.
So that’s why I changed my number. So that I could wake up today on the first of the month feeling rejuvenated. So that I could force myself to realize that the only person I NEED to be connected to is Jesus, and myself. My number isn’t the only thing I’ll be changing this month. But it’s the first one and boy has it left me feeling reJUNEvenated.